The hand that deals
by Sapphire1112
Summary: Two-parter. Where is Sam when Connie needs him? Based on my take on the current storyline.I do not own the characters. Strachamp.
1. Chapter 1

The unusually pale-faced Clinical Lead sat in her office – what was also unusual was that she was sat curled up on the sofa – rather than being sat rigidly behind her desk – as was usually the case. She was now painfully thin and sickly-looking, and whilst still as beautiful as ever, her tired eyes showed every single year of her life.

There was a knock at the door and Ethan popped his head around it. "Your coffee, Mrs Beauchamp."

"Thank you Ethan." She answered as he pushed the steaming mug into her cold, clammy hands.

He sat down next to her and hesitated. "You should eat something, Connie. You need the energy...oh, I think Charlie wants a word." He added looking up at the older man who had poked his head through the open door. "I'll go and get you a sandwich from the shop." She nodded vaguely as he stood up.

 _Charlie knew now._ He'd watched Connie getting paler and thinner day by day – and with her frequent dizzy spells and breathlessness – both of which she was getting worse and worse at hiding as she got generally weaker, he'd long since _suspected_ something was very wrong with the doctor. When she had hurriedly asked Elle to take over from her in resus, before promptly collapsing a few days ago, Ethan had had no choice but to tell them what was wrong with her. Connie had been angry with him about that, but she knew that she shouldn't have put him in that position in the first place – it hadn't been fair to ask him to keep her secret.

Charlie sat down next to her. "I take it Sam doesn't know?" Connie didn't answer and just stared at the floor, so he continued. "...because if he did, he would have been on the first plane he could get back over here with Grace."

"He _wouldn't_." She murmured. "He'd just think I'm playing games – trying to get him to bring her back...because, that's what _we_ do, isn't it! _Play games with each other!" She suddenly seemed very angry with the situation.

Charlie shook his head at her in disbelief – surely she didn't _really_ think that? "Connie..."

She stopped him. "Besides, it's not something I want to tell him over the phone – or Grace. I should have gone over there when I first found out – _I know that_ , but I'm not well enough to travel now, so what can I do, Charlie?"

"Can't you just tell him you _need_ to see her? - tell him it's an emergency..."

Yeah, like he's going to believe _that_!" She retorted. "Anyway, I haven't _really_ spoken to Sam since he left – I don't know _how_ _to_ any more..." She trailed off.

"So...you're _not_ going to tell them? But, Connie – you _need_ surgery!"

" _How can I, Charlie?_...no, I'll just take the hand I've been dealt." she shrugged, indifferently.

Charlie shook his head at her again in exasperation at her apparent ease at giving up.. "...but, you _want_ Grace _here_ – right?"

Connie sighed in frustration. " _Of course I do_ – I want them _both_ here – Sam as well, though I don't...think _he...wants_ to be here...I just...don't know _what_ to tell them...- _how_ to tell them..." She paused – trying to get her breath back. "I mean, I _thought_...we were ok, you know? - _me and Sam_...I _thought_ we...were having a fresh start...the three...of us...as a fam...ily. That's what _I._..wanted, he _said_ that's what...he wanted – what...Grace...wanted, but then...he just... _went_ without...telling...me and...I... _just don't...know_ _what...to say to...him_... _any more_...I...just _don't_..." she gasped with the effort it took to get all her words out.

Charlie rubbed her back gently as Ethan reappeared with a sandwich for her. "Easy. _Easy_ , Connie." Charlie warned. "You need to slow down or you'll get worse."

She sighed, exhausted. "...getting...worse... _anyway_...Charlie." She muttered taking the sandwich off Ethan. "Thanks."

The two men stepped out of her office and closed the door behind them.

"Did you ask her about Sam?" Ethan whispered. "He _needs_ to be here, Charlie – she _needs_ to have Grace here."

Charlie nodded. "I know, Ethan. Yes, - I asked her and No – he doesn't know. She doesn't know _how_ to tell him. I'm going to ring him later – don't say anything to her yet – I don't want to get her hopes up about seeing Grace."

Charlie was confident that Connie was wrong about Sam. He would want to be there for her.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam was indeed on the next plane. He hadn't been sure what to tell Grace – he didn't want to alarm her or risk inducing an episode of her Epilepsy – and in any case, Charlie hadn't given him any details, citing that it was something Connie needed to do face to face. All he knew was that she was ill with something that wasn't going to 'just go away' – and that she wasn't well enough to travel.

In the end, he'd decided that Grace finding out her mum was ill upon arrival would be worse and that telling her _something_ was better than telling her nothing. Honesty really was the best policy in this case, so he sat her down and told her what he knew. Grace had been upset – of course, but she had also been very mature about the whole thing, taking it better than he had expected. She constantly surprised him like that nowadays.

They arrived at the hospital in a taxi – along with their luggage, as Sam was anxious to see Connie and find out exactly what was going on. Charlie met them outside the hospital as they walked in – wanting to prepare them for the much-changed woman inside.

"Sam, Grace." The nurse exclaimed as the latter threw her arms around his neck affectionately.

"Where's Connie?" Sam asked anxiously, "How is she? I...I knew _something_ was wrong, when she accepted us leaving without an argument."

"I wanted to warn you – _before_ you see her." Charlie answered, quietly. "You'll find her much changed. Sometimes, you'll get glimpses of the Connie we all know and love - and she's _trying_ to act like nothing is happening, but a lot of the time, she's quite tearful and vulnerable – weak and..." He paused. "She doesn't _look_ well, Sam. She needs surgery, but at the moment, she's refusing treatment – maybe _you_ can persuade her otherwise."

" _Refusing treatment_? Why...why would she do that?" Sam stammered.

"She _claims_ she doesn't think the ED can run without her – it's a risky operation – but I think the _real_ reason is that she's scared of having it with you and Grace so far away – it case it doesn't go well..." Charlie was interrupted by Grace squealing excitedly in the near distance.

" _Mum!_ " There was obvious delight at seeing her mother in her voice, but also a hint of shock – though she covered it well. Grace had been impatient to see her mum and had crept past whilst the two men walked into the ED engaged in conversation.

" _Shit!_ " Sam exclaimed, pushing past Charlie and heading to Connie's office.

" _Gracie!_ " Connie cried happily, standing up slowly and rounding her desk to embrace the surprise arrival. "I didn't know you were coming, sweetheart."

"Mum, you look _terrible_!" Grace told her helpfully. "...We _know_ you're ill, mum."

"Oh." Connie whispered, "Is...is...your dad here?"

" _Yes, I'm here._ " Sam confirmed from the doorway, where he had been watching, shocked at how ill Connie looked – despite Charlie's warning.

Connie tearfully motioned at him to come closer. He moved over and wrapped his arms around her and she enveloped him in the same embrace she held Grace in – clearly longing for the comfort he was offering. This again shocked him. It was very unlike Connie to show immediate affection for anyone other than her daughter – and even more unlike her to ask for it – especially from him. He kissed the top of her head gently. "Gracie, your mum and I need to have a chat." Sam told their daughter.

"Shall we go and get a drink, Grace?" Charlie suggested from the doorway. "Let mum and dad talk."

"Ok" Grace nodded as Connie reluctantly released her grip on her daughter. "I'll be back soon, mum, ok?"

"Ok, darling." Connie answered.

Charlie stepped out the way to let Grace past. "I've put the cases in the staff room, Sam."

"Thanks, Charlie."

"Ok. Try not to _yell_ at each other, please – and Connie?" She looked up at him. "Remember, you need to stay _calm_ – ok?" She nodded and satisfied that it was safe to leave the once volatile couple, he left the office, closing the door behind him.

" _You came straight here?"_ Connie muttered with air of surprise – apparently finding a very interesting spot of dirt on the floor to stare at.

"Of course I did, Connie – I was _worried_ about you." She continued refusing to make eye contact with him. "So...are you going to tell me what's wrong with you?" Sam asked quietly. "All Grace and I know is that you're _seriously ill_ , - and Connie, I've been imagining _all sorts_ – so _please_ tell me."

Leaning back against her desk, she suddenly seemed nervous. "It's my heart, Sam."

" _what_?"

"Yeah I know – _you think I'm a cold, heartless bitch_." She laughed bitterly. "Well, it turns out I _do_ have a heart – only it's faulty and isn't working properly." She sniffed and reached behind her. Picking up her i-pad, she pulled up the image of her heart scan and handed it to him.

"You've got a heart tumour?" He muttered, studying it.

"Oh, well I'm glad to see I managed to teach you _something_!" She retorted – no doubt resorting to sarcasm in order to mask her true emotions.

He put the i-pad back on the desk and went over to the sofa – the wind all but knocked out of him. "Do you know if it's..." He sat down – unable to finish the question.

She shrugged indifferently, once again. "I've been told that it's _probably_ malignant." She looked up in amazement at the devastated man in front of her. " _Why are you crying?! - you don't even like me!"_ She sighed as he remained a blubbering mess, and eventually moved over to sit next to him. _Was it possible that she'd been wrong? - and he really did love her?_ She swallowed as he continued weeping – unable to stop himself and put her arm around him. "Oh, come here, Sam."

"I don't hate you, Con and I've never thought of you as 'cold' or 'heartless'. You have the _biggest heart_ of anyone I know – and if I was allowed to fix it myself, I would. I'm sorry that this has happened to you." He sniffed. "I know you find that _hard_ to believe – and I know it's _my fault_ , because I just took off with Grace, but I can't explain _why_ because...well, _I don't know_ why I did it." He pulled her closer. "I'm not proud of what I did, Con – and I'm _so_ sorry."

She snuggled against him. "It's ok. You're here _now_ – besides, I've done an awful lot of things _I'm_ _not proud of."_

"Charlie said that you're refusing treatment, darling?" He muttered.

"Yes, well...I...couldn't _bear_ the thought of... not seeing you and Grace again – if _something...happened_." She answered quietly,, "Heart surgery's _risky_ – as you know... _The odds aren't good, Sam_."

"I know that darling – but you _need_ it – the odds _without_ it aren't good either. And we're here now..." The door opened as Charlie and Grace returned.

"It's ironic, isn't it? I'm _good_ with hearts – it used to be _'my thing'_ – but this is one that I _can't_ fix!" Connie muttered bitterly.

"I know, Con." He squeezed her shoulder.

" _Dad'll_ fix it for you, mum." Grace announced brightly. "He's the _best_ at fixing hearts – _after you_."

"Well, _I learnt from the best_." Sam murmured – much to Connie's surprise. He looked up at their daughter guiltily – she was _expecting_ him to be able to make her mum well again – but he couldn't. "Gracie, I won't be _allowed_ to operate on your mum, sweetheart – just like your mum and I weren't _allowed_ to operate on you after the accident."

"Then I want _Jac Naylor_ to do it." Connie retorted. "But Sam? - I'd _really_ like you to be in there, if you can? You and Jac. I don't trust _anyone else_."

Sam nodded. "I'll talk to Jac, ok?" He pulled Grace down on the sofa, between him and Connie and hugged them both tightly. "We're going to deal with this, ok? - We're a family and we're going to deal with this together."

 _The hand had been dealt._


End file.
